Jay’s Story of learning patience and peace here at the Iron & Oil Men’s Recovery Program

Some of my earliest memories are filled with fear. My mom’s boyfriend at the time was violent. He would beat me and sometimes throw me into closets. I don’t know if he was taking his anger out on me instead of beating my mother and sister, but an experience like that is difficult to overcome. That went on until I was about six, when my dad took custody of me.

Life with my dad was steadier, but it wasn’t exactly nurturing. He drank heavily, but thankfully, he wasn’t mean. Without his active influence in my life, I felt like I was always on my own, and by the time I was 14, I had connected with a gang. I was looking for belonging, and I found it in the wrong place. It gave me brothers, but it also pulled me into a life of crime, drugs, and the streets.

At 16, my mom called and told me she had cancer, so I left my dad’s home to take care of her. Later, I found out it wasn’t true—she just wanted me to cover her bills. I started selling drugs to pay for her hotel room while I slept on the streets or on friends’ couches. Even during all of that, I found a way to go to school every day and graduate, but my life was mostly about survival.

My last job was with Duke Energy. I worked my way up from the man who cut people’s power off all the way to a lineman. I stayed there for 12 years, made good money, and even got married. But when I travelled during storm seasons, I began using methamphetamine to stay alert for those long shifts. Even though I could work hard and earn money, I was also hiding a destructive habit.

Everything unraveled in 2015 when a so-called friend set me up. One incident where I supplied him with drugs that he resold over a period of five days turned into 29 felony charges. I fought it for years, but in 2020, I was convicted and sentenced to prison. I spent nearly three years behind bars, and when I got out, I fell right back into old patterns. I drifted from city to city, slept outside, checked into hospitals just for a place to stay, and tried to survive. My sister encouraged me every step of the way, but I was tired, empty, and worn down. In Gastonia, I finally came across a list of recovery programs. Western Carolina Rescue Ministries was at the bottom of the page, but something about Asheville had always been on my heart. I called, and that decision led me here to Iron & Oil.

I’ve now been in the Iron & Oil men’s recovery program for five months, and it is changing my life. The structure, the classes, serving in the kitchen, the rules, and the accountability have given me stability and hope. I had a chance to leave the program prematurely several weeks ago, but instead, I stayed because I realize it is best for me and my future. I’ve learned patience. I’ve learned to trust in God’s will instead of my own plans. I’ve learned the importance of doing the next right thing, even when it feels small. I’d love to be involved in working with kids who are caught up in gangs, because I know firsthand how destructive that life is. I also know they don’t see where it leads until it’s too late.

Sometimes I struggle with self-confidence and wonder if I’m really equipped for that kind of work. I carry reminders of my past, old connections, and memories that could try to pull me back. But I believe God is changing me day by day. I also believe He has spared my life for a reason. Three of my friends from the streets have been murdered, and I keep asking, “Why not me?” The only answer I can see is that God has a purpose for me, and I want to walk in it. I am grateful for Iron & Oil, for the staff, and for the men I walk alongside. This program has given me the tools to start again, the faith to trust God’s plan, and the hope to believe that my story can help someone else.