Hayley found hope!
Using and selling drugs were so common in my life that I was only ten the first time I smoked marijuana – at home with family. In my world, that was normal, and by thirteen, I was using meth. School was horrible for me. I didn’t have nice clothes and never felt like I fit in. By sixteen, I dropped out, figuring I’d just make do with what I already knew.
At eighteen, I got hooked on fentanyl patches. With certain drugs, when you try to stop, the sickness pulls you right back in. Using becomes the only way you know how to feel normal again. That cycle is hard to explain unless you’ve lived it—but it’s powerful, and it keeps you stuck.
When I got pregnant, I wasn’t in a place I was proud of. I tried to get clean and stayed clean for a few weeks at a time, but I always relapsed. At 38 weeks, what I thought was a routine doctor’s appointment sent me straight to Mission Hospital to have the baby. DSS was called automatically, and my daughter was temporarily placed with her grandpa. At that time, I had never heard of Abba’s House. I had been to detox, to the hospital, to other places for help, and nobody had ever mentioned it. It wasn’t until a hospital social worker contacted the Rescue Mission that things started moving.
I was scared coming in. I had all kinds of assumptions about what a place like this would be. I want-ed a better life for my daughter, but I didn’t know if I was capable of it. The women and the staff were welcoming, and honestly, the staff is what got me through. I had this picture in my mind of what a shelter was. I’d even sold drugs to people outside of places like this. I didn’t know there were programs like this for women, especially with babies.
Living in a group setting isn’t easy, but the staff keeps us focused on what really matters. They call me out when I’m avoiding what I need to work on. They’re teaching me that recovery isn’t just about stopping drug use. It’s about working on all of my life, even the parts I thought I could ignore and didn’t want to deal with.
Structure has also helped me. Routine, getting up at certain times, being ready for class, keeping my room clean, helping with chores—things normal people do. That might sound basic, but for me, it’s been huge. Structure has helped calm the chaos I lived with for so long.
My faith has changed, too. I’ve always believed in God, but a lot of bad things made me think that if God were real, He wouldn’t let them happen. Now I see it differently. A lot of those things can be used to make me stronger, and now I know God has been working in
my life all along. Even when I couldn’t see it. Now I pray and read my Bible, and I’m learning to trust Him more.The leadership here has given me a fighting chance.
They helped bring my voice out and showed me how to advocate for myself and
my family. Before, I would have stayed in a shell. I definitely wouldn’t have shared
my story like this.
If you had asked me before where I was as a mom, I would have rated myself a one
out of ten. Today, I’d say I’m a good eight or nine. I’m close to graduating, I’ve applied
for housing, and I’m closer than I’ve ever been to being on my feet. My next challenge
is finding a good job, which isn’t easy with felonies on my record. Some dreams feel blocked—but I still want to move forward. I believe I have the ability and intelligence
to be a nurse or a doctor, even if those doors feel closed right now.
If I could tell another young woman who’s scared to come to a place like this, I’d
tell her the truth: I was scared too. But you never know until you take a chance and see. Coming here gave me a chance to get clean, grow up, and fight for my life and my family.
